Brown out...

Sorry, that title just made me laugh....

Ok, so this all started because my house was BROWN!  Brown carpet, brown walls, brown couches, brown-diddy-brown, brown, brown.  So, I says to myself I says..."Self, let's spice up them walls with a little splash of colorfulyness..." (don't you talk to yourself in backwoods/ goofy?... I do.)  So, one thing has led to another and I now have a house that resembles McDonalds.  I am not going to post pictures until I hang up something on the walls.  I am hoping wall hangings will break up the bold, bright, super-size me colors. I honestly kind of like it.  I am not sure if that's because I have made my bed and I am determined to sleep in it, or if it really has some potential.  But for my house I will say this;  It's not so brown anymore.

PS...It's Dec.  Do you know what that means?  It means Mike will be gone a lot!  Perhaps I will spew forth my strange and mostly uninteresting thoughts and feelings on this blog since my number one listener of them will be gone entertaining MILLIONS of adoring fans this Christmas.

Oh, and here's a little story to tie both of these paragraphs together.  I found it humorous.  I hope Mike won't mind me recording it....

Yesterday I came down to find Annie and Ellie sitting at the kitchen table begrudgingly and numerously writing, " We will put up the Christmas tree when Mom is done painting."  Apparently Mike got sick of them asking and asking him to put up the tree.  We had both told them MANY times that they tree would go up the second I was done.  I don't know why it made me laugh.  Maybe because it was an ironic way to start off "the most wonderful time of the year. " ha ha.  Luckily for them I should be completely done by Saturday.   We will put up our tree on Sunday.

A sweet conversation

Jack: Mom, when will Jesus come again?  Do you think he is on his way? Will he come all by his self?
Me:  I don't know when he is coming, but it can't be too far off.  I think he will come with lots and lots of Angels.
Jack: Do you think he will come to our house?
Me:  Maybe.  Maybe he will bring baby Max to our house.
Jack: Then we better make Jesus a bed.  We can make it really really big.  Then I can sleep here...and baby Max can sleep by me..and Jesus can sleep on the other side.

Typical

I make dinner every night of the week ...I get nothing.  Mike makes one batch of Chili and they give him a trophy! 

Congrats to my Chili making husband. :-)  Thanks to the ward for another fun Chili cook-off!

Neighborhood Fast Food

Why hasn't anyone thought of this before?  Well, I will tell you,..because they aren't GENIUSES..(or is it Geniusi?) like I am!  This epiphany came to me, as many of my epiphanies do, while sitting in McDonalds.   Now, let me just say, I HATE Mcdonalds, (wait, Bearden's don't say hate) I strongly dislike McDonalds.   I actually like the food ok, but it represents everything I am trying to avoid and yet so frequently falter on.  It caters to my lazy, cheap, and busy side. Oh and my greasier than snot side.  (don't you have a side like that?)  In my heart and at my dinner table I always want the best nutrition for my family, but whenever I don't have time to steam a carrot, or cook up some Kale chips because I am running out the door, those golden arches are always on my radar.  Grrr.....  Ok, so here's where my epiphany comes in.  What if.................I find an awesome network of friends.  Equally busy, equally wanting healthy choices for their family, and equally plagued with stopping at fast food restaurants more than they would like.  What if we all formed our own "restaurant" chain?  We could call it, "Home cookin'" or "Kome on in for Kale", or  "Death to Mickey D's"...(not to be confused with "Death FROM Mickey D's).  Anyway, we all get together and decide who will run the "restaurant" on each day.  The location will be our very own houses.  On our day we have to commit to stay home between the hours of 11:00 am and 1:00 pm. We have to have some sort of healthy meal or snack that can be easily eaten in a car, and easily carried out by our 2 to 6 year olds  employees.  All the members of our "club" (ya, it's a club now) will just have to pull into the driveway, do the secret honk (to be decided later), and the food will promptly be delivered right to our cars...just like a drive through!  Of course we wouldn't pay for the food since we would all be taking turns. (unless one Mom gets a little lazy and decides to send out a bag of old gold fish and water.  I mean, when I am preparing gently steamed Alaskan salmon garnished with a sprig of parsley, coupled with a veggie-ca-bob and spring water, I am not going to accept junk like that. " Gold Fish Mom "would most likely be put on probation.)  Anyway...ooo...ooo....a new thought just came.  What if enough eager Parents joined in and we could run our lunches like Geo Caching?  You would just look up participating homes and drop by one that is closest to the errand you are running....wait...wait...I just had visions of razor blades in apples and hypodermic needles in bananas...ya, maybe I'll  just stick with people I know and trust.  (although I thought I knew "Gold Fish Mom" and look where that got me.)

Ok, there you have it...the Jill Bearden epiphany of the day.  You might be surprised at how many ideas are running through this brain of mine.  If you are interested in more of my awesome ideas, please read here.  Thank you. Oh, and if you would like to sign up to participate in this service please contact me.

And now, small print time....


All individuals wishing to participate in our Home Made co-op must come to the table with three different ideas for a secret honk.  When utilizing the services of the co-op,  you will be allowed up to 10 children in your car, as long as you can prove they are all yours.  You will be awarded a "friend pass" once a month, but the friend must pay.   All individuals wishing to participate must also understand that if you show up at my house and I am unprepared,  I shall not be kicked out of the club.  It's my club.  I reserve the right to be flaky. Member FDIC.


The Management

Wait...what's that?

I used to have a hobby.  I used to have a few hobbies.  Most of them involved crafting and decorating.  I think when we bought this house and spent 14 days straight painting EVERY single inch of it, my desire for decorating fizzled out!  Seriously, I had to force myself to throw things on the wall.  After a fun little trip with some girlfriends to an awesome craft boutique, I have been newly inspired.  Mike isn't sure how he is feeling about this.  My inspirations usually turn into unfinished projects and lowered bank accounts.  As I was expressing my enthusiasm for my rekindled love affair for creativity , he showed a bit of dismay.  I pretended to be deeply offended and said  "Fine then, maybe I will just go get a boyfriend and spend all my free time with him instead of creating beautiful things for our home."  to this Mike replied, "Oh good...because at least he will pay for your dinner."  I hit him and we both laughed.  (Mike you are too, too funny) Oh, and now... let me introduce you to my new boyfriend.......

His name is Steve.  He is a great listener and his coloring is amazing.  I think I am FALLING for him.  oh..oh...(dab at eyes)  Now I am too, too funny.

I am happy to be in the creative mood again.

Binky at three.

Yes, Jack still has his Binky.  He will be three at the end of this month.  Why do I not care one bit?  I love that I have a little magical plug that will turn my rambunctious 2 (almost three) year old into a quiet little snuggler who will still take a nap.   Oh, Jack..what a sweetheart and a stinker he can be.  One of the sweet moments we just had was waking up together..(which happens every morning as he always seems to find his way to our bed each night).  I looked at him and kissed his forehead and said, "I love you".  He gently reached up and touched my cheek and answered, "I will never say I hate you."

The stinker in him flushed a gift card and the toilet paper holder down the toilet.

The sweet heart in him loves me to sing and sing and sing nursery rhymes to him. (especially ones that have the name Jack in them)

The stinker in him spanked our bishops bottom while he was giving Mike a blessing.

The sweetheart in him says,.."Mommy, hold me for two minutes".

The stinker in him asked a total stranger if she wanted to see his pee-pee talk...(don't ask)

All in all our family dotes on this little boy.  I wish I could always remember him at exactly this time of life.  He is growing up way too fast. :-(

My next party

It's decided, I am going to throw a "Jane Austen" party.  Now, I know we won't be able to dress like them, or do our hair like them, (although that would be awesome), but what if we just did what they did?  I know it is very un-educated of me, but I am going to base all my thoughts and dreams solely off the novels...(ha..I could have said the movies, but I am edjukated)  I don't have all the details worked out, but here is what I am thinking.

Everyone has to come prepared to share a small talent.  Be it a poem, a song on the piano forte, a dramatic limerick, or perhaps even a small witty comment.  At some point in the evening, (most likely between the 5 coarse meal and the time when the men will be excused to have a drink and smoke cigars) we will withdraw to the drawing room family room.  Although there may be a small card game occurring in the corner, the majority of us will fan ourselves and respectfully listen to each performer.  Of coarse at some point someone will say, "Mrs. Bearden...please, won't you grace us with a song."  Then I will shyly say,...(in an English accent).."Oh, no..I couldn't possibly"  After some chiding, and a command from one of the more powerful intimidating woman in the room, (ooo..remind me to invite someone like that)  I will finally agree.  As I began to play and sing, a tall, dark and handsome man will get lost in his thoughts of love for me.  Then he will smile and remember that I am his wife and think he is the luckiest person in London  Riverton.

BTW I am assuming that during all this time the children are in the nursery being seen but not heard.

Ok, then comes the dancing.  Somehow, we will all know these intricate line dances...(not country line dances).  We will weave in and out.  We will all smile at each other and carry on witty little conversations all the while.   Although if we do these dances, I might have us change into dresses.   I just can't imagine us gracefully gliding across the floor in our Capris.  I guess that is a detail to be worked out at a later time.

If the hour grows too late, or if someone feels a chill coming on, or if the weather is poor, guests will sleep the night.  We will all wake up the next morning to a beautiful breakfast...(prepared by my servants)..then we will spend the day strolling by the lake...(I guess we could drive up to Day Break) having picnics, and playing silly games.

Finally we will say our fond good byes and promise to see each other again in a Fortnight.


So...who is in?

PS  I guarantee that if Mike reads this post, he will fall asleep half way through it.

Prayer of the children

Jack has finally started to pray.  Here is one of his first prayers.

Jack:(In a sweet precious voice) Hemly faver, Tank you for da gospel....
Me: (trying to help) Thank you for my family
Jack: (YELLING)  I AM SAYING THE GOSPEL!!!!.....(continuing in a sweet precious voice)...tank you for the gospel. Christ Amen

Next prayer

Hemly Faver, tank you da gospel.  Please help us to hear da ice cweam truck.  Please bless da ice cweam to be safe.  Thanks for Dad.  Christ Amen.

He always finishes with a huge smile and saying, "I did it!"

I have to remind the girls (and Dad and myself) not to laugh during Jack's prayers.  It's hard!

When I can't sleep...

 It's 1:15 am.  I can NOT sleep!  I have too many thoughts running through my head.  So instead of staring at the ceiling, I will spew them onto this blog.


 WARNING:  I do not guarantee any entertainment value to the sentences that lie ahead.  Nor do I vouch for their cohesiveness, spelling, grammar, or content.  Remember, it is 1 in the morning. 

  Right now I am wondering if I should get Casie braces.  Her teeth are already fairly straight.  Do they NEED to be perfect in order for her to have a happy life?  Do I really think it's worth 4 grand to straighten "mostly straight" teeth?  Am I sending her the message that perfection is the only beauty out there?   She is beautiful now! She hasn't been begging me for braces, I just thought it's what you do.  We did a consult with the Orthodontist and I left thinking she needed braces for SURE...but now that I think about it, does it really matter if her molars line up?  Does it matter that her teeth aren't all the same height?

Dear future Casie,
If you are reading this and screaming at the page/screen " YES!  YES it does matter Mom!  My live has been a living nightmare because my left canine tooth was 1/8 of a millimeter longer than my right."  "I never married and had a family because I had a slight overbite!!!"  Then all I can say is..."oopsie"  Or you could always invent a time machine and come back to August 5th 2011 and set me straight...(no pun intended) But then again, if you invented a time machine, you could probably pay for your own braces.

Love your Insomniac Mother..Jill.



yawn...I guess we are all spared the rest of my thoughts.  I am tired now!!

Quotes of the week

The new time wasting toy in the Bearden home is my new phone.  I went from having a good ol' flip open phone to a smart phone...which is much smarter than me.  I have a hard time keeping it to myself.  The girls LOVE it.  Especially Casie.  The first quote of the week came as I dropped Casie off in the Target parking lot.  She begged me to let her bring my phone into the store with her.  I relented, but had to joke with her when I said " Don't get hit by a car cause you are holding my phone." (luckily Casie and I have similar senses of humor so she just laughed. )

later that day.....

 We took Jack to "Mick-in-Donalds" for lunch and Casie started begging for my phone again.  

Me: Casie, when the Pioneers went to McDonalds they didn't have a smart phone to play with....

Yes, I am hilarious..

The next quote comes to us from the oh so quotable Ellie.  After picking up the only boy in our car pool, I asked him if he felt lucky that he got to ride to school with all these beautiful girls.  Ellie piped up from the back seat and said, "Ya, and you get to ride with my Mom too..don't forget her."  I pretended to be offended, and Annie laughed her head off.  Ellie just sat and wondered why we were all laughing.

Jack will end our week of quotes with his hilarious tattle he brought to me this evening.  In all seriousness he approached me and said, "Mom, we need to go get a new Annie."  " We need a new Annie that's not mean."

Brotherly love

Ellie:  Mom, Jack kicked me really hard, then when he was giving me a hug to say sorry, he bit my shoulder.

Oliver!

I don't think I have even mentioned on this blog that Ellie and I were in a play.  Well, we were. And now it's done. :-)  We closed last night.  It was Oliver.

I hadn't planned on auditioning for Oliver, but Ellie really wanted to do it.  As I sat in her audition I kept asking myself "Why are you not doing this?"  On a whim I grabbed an audition form and tried out.  I ended up getting the role as Nancy.  We both had such a great time in the show.  There are some AMAZING people in our community.  I was blown away by the talent I saw.  But what impressed me even more was the kindness I saw and felt from those around me.  It was really a family atmosphere and I loved it.  It was such an honor to be associated with them for the short six weeks it took to put the show on.

Because I need to analyze, I will say that it's probably a good thing the show is over.  Although playing the role as Nancy was a dream come true for me...(I mean seriously, I got some awesome solo's, AND I got killed at the end. Fun stuff for an actress!...) Theatre has a sneaky way of making me a little selfish.  I don't think it's too healthy to have all that focus all the time!  I  am looking forward to leaving my Nancy role behind and falling back into my most important role as wife and mother.

Plus, I am sure my house was starting to wonder if I would ever scrub it's toilets again...or vacuum...or dust.



PS I got a CD of our show with over 2000 pictures on it.  They must be HUGE files because I can't get them to upload.  I will say that after browsing through all these photos, I am seriously considering never singing again.  I am telling myself that the photographer just happened to click on me the ONE (or seven) times during all my numbers that I looked like I was going to spew.  

Adventures in Potty Training

Two nights ago, Jack and I decided it was time to do some potty training.  I started the night by telling him a story about a boy named Jack who was getting potty trained....(ya stories are becoming a nightly ritual..again)  The story must have been very inspiring because at the end Jack exclaimed, "I want to get potty trained TOMORROW!" Sweet!
 In the morning when I asked Jack if he was ready for some potty training, he laughed and said, "Mom..I said tomorrow!"  He wasn't totally convinced that he was ready for training until I came home with some mini peanut butter cups.  It was so funny when he was begging for a treat.  I kept telling him he had to go pee pee before he could have one.  At first he started to throw a fit, then he slunk his shoulders rolled his eyes and said, "Fine...I'll go potty"  Then he slowly shuffled off with his little feet dragging like it was such a big chore.  Funny boy.
Jack has gone potty sporadically for several months so getting him to go wasn't hard.  Once he realized he got candy every time he went, he started sitting on the toilet non-stop.  Today, (right after he went) he wanted to go again.  I told him maybe if he drank some Kool-aide he might need to go again soon.  I gave him the glass, he took one swallow, then he waited for two seconds in silence before saying.."Ok, it's in me now".  Then he ran off to the potty.  I have been laughing my head off all day.  He is so determined to drink Kool-aide, go potty, and have candy.  It's hilarious.  My favorite line came right before he pooped in the potty. (BTW, sorry for all the potty words)  As he was sitting there he was giving me instructions on what to say after he was finished.  In a high pitched voice I was instructed that once he was done I was to say, "Jack! That's wonderful!"  I did say it.  Because it is wonderful!!!

Story Time

Back when I was a good Mom, I used to tell my girls made up stories every night.  The stories usually had Princesses named Annie and Ellie who always wore the latest fashions and had spectacular birthday parties.  Tonight Annie said those magical words that gave me no choice but to resurrect our old tradition:

"Mom, you never tell us stories anymore"

So,in my attempt to be a better Mom, I told them this story.....

Once upon a time, there were two beautiful princesses...(they both rolled their eyes at me.  They thought they were far too old to be caught up in this old story.)  Princess Annie wore a beautiful ball gown with sparkly silver shoes.  Princess Ellie wore a Pink Dress with purple shoes.  (At this point I could tell they were listening just to humor me.  I decided to bring out the big guns)  Each of the princesses had their very own AMAZING room. 

I then proceeded to describe each of their rooms in detail.  Since I know all the things they love, it was easy to suck them into the story.  Princess Annie had several buttons on her wall.  One of them, when pushed, would raise an amazing art desk from a hole in the floor.  It had every art medium known to man.  It also played classical music so Princess Annie could draw for hours and hours while enjoying Mozart.  We got a laugh out of another button on the wall that would immediately transport her two best friends, Luke and James into her room when ever she wanted to play with them. 

Princess Ellie had a huge soft bed with tons of pillows.  She also had eight sets of bunk beds in her room so that ALL her friends could sleep over EVERY NIGHT!  Her wall buttons transformed her room into a Dance club complete with flashing lights.

Of course both rooms had drinking fountains that distributed soda, or at the push of a button, chocolate milk.

It was hilarious to see both of my daughters eyes fill with wonder as I added new features to their rooms.  I need to tell them stories more often.

Oh, in my desire to be a better Mom, I tried to create a beautiful teaching moment and life lesson into our fairy tale.  It didn't really go as well as it could have.
One day, the beautiful Queen  beckoned her fair daughters to her chambers.
"Fair daughters, I am sorry to tell you that the time has come to leave our beautiful rooms.  The King has asked the royal family to go live amongst the poor people of the kingdom."..(smiles dropping...eyes loosing lustre...disappointment setting in...) Then the Queen laughed and said, just kidding.  We are actually going to have a party!  The end.

Why I love Casie

Today as I sat at my computer, I noticed Casie had been chatting with one of her friends on Face book.  Now, FYI Casie is going to Lagoon on her birthday..(in one week) and has been extra EXTRA EXTTTRAAA excited.  Not a day goes by that she doesn't  mention the fact that she is looking forward to it.  In this chat to her friend, we see that not only is she very excited, but she has every last detail planned out.  Here is the list that Casie sent to her friend over Face Book chat. (This is all her planning.  She and I have done very little talking about it.  I'm more of a last minute planner.:-)


LAGOON Lagoon!
What you will need for Lagoon:
1. Money to pay your way in
2. Extra money if you want to go on Sky coaster or the Catapult. They are each $20 extra.
3. Please pack your own lunch and we will provide dinner at Lagoon.
4. Bring your own water bottle and snacks if you want them in Lagoon.
5. Please wear sunscreen unless you want to get burnt :)
6. If you want to bring a sweat shirt that you can wear on the wet rides then take off after you can because it is going to be about 75 degrees.
7. Wear a tie-dye shirt!
8. Wear closed toed shoes because they won’t let you on some of the rides with out them. And we will be walking around all day, so it would be smart to wear tennis-shoes.
9. Beware you might get a disease that is caused by over exposure to awesomeness.

Ellie's post about her baptism

 Ellie has her own private blog that she writes in occasionally.  Today she showed me this post about her baptism.  I am glad she took so many wonderful memories away from her special day.

 

 

bathtisom

After I got baptized I fell ( I was hert ) and my mom said is your dress o.k?

Memorial Day

Every Memorial Day, we go to the city cemetery  with Mike's family.  We always  put flowers on the graves of the family members in the Condie family plot.  This year we had our own sweet Max's grave to visit.   I love being in the cemetery.  It is so beautiful and so peaceful.  Today as we were placing our flowers and talking with family, I looked down to witness Jack silently placing a small flowerless dandelion on Max's grave.   Throughout the visit, Jack kept finding little treasures on the ground and kept bring them to the headstone.  Of all the beautiful flowers on Max's grave, I love the small gifts from Jack the most.   It was so sweet.  I also heard him say, "Bye Baby Max" as he put his last flower on.  He told me on the way home that baby Max told him, "Thank you for putting those flowers on my teddy bear!"  (there is a teddy bear on the headstone) I can't wait for these two special brothers to be reunited again someday.

Laughing our heads off

Our new favorite past time

FHE May 9

Last night wasn't a highly spiritual FHE, but we had a lot of fun.  We started the night with Jack welcoming us.  Then we spent about 5 minutes doing what Jack told us to do.
"Say Book"
"Book"
"Say blididiooo"
"Blididiooooo"
He loves it when we ALL copy him.  It makes him laugh really hard.
We then moved onto a song led by Casie.  She led us in a rousing rendition of George Micheals' "I'm never gonna dance again..." ( But we just sang the saxophone solo part). I then insisted we sing Praise to the Man.

Next I gave a small uninspired shpill about how even when it's raining outside (which it was) we can still do things to be active and exercise our bodies.  Here is what we did:

We each came up with a silly action that involved moving in some way.  Then we put them all together and timed each person as they performed the list of tasks.  The person who did it the fastest got a prize. 
Our first course was:
Run up and down the stairs (Mom's idea)
Then do 10 jumping Jacks (Ellie's idea)
Then move all the kitchen chairs into the family room, then back again. (Annie's idea)
Then do five somersaults (Casie's idea)
Then do a dance while the rest of the family sings the saxophone solo to "I'm never gonna dance again" (Dad's idea) This was even funnier because you get really dizzy after doing 5 somersaults in a row.

It was hilarious to watch.  Annie especially got into giggling fits as she watched her fellow family members frantically moving the kitchen chairs.

Our next list was:
Roll on the ground six times then wave (Ellie's idea)
Run around the inside of house two times (Casie's idea)

Run to the basement, bring up a Cup-o-Noodles, and then run and put it back. (Annie's idea)
Make a basket in Jack's basketball hoop (Mom's idea)
Carry Jack as you make another lap around the inside of the house.  When you are done you throw Jack on the couch and the timer stops. (Dad's idea)

The cutest thing is that Jack remembered most of the courses and insisted he have a turn too.  We laughed really hard when after about 2 minutes of being downstairs in the basement, Jack finally emerged with a whole bag of macaroni.  It was a fun family night. :-) 

What if Ants kept a record of their people?

 We are having a problem with ants.  I don't blame them for coming to my house.  My children and their messy messy ways provide a perfect hunting ground for these little fellas.  I usually will see a swarm (do ants swarm?) of them on a crust of bread and pull out my vacuum and suck them up.  After doing such a vacuuming one day, a thought crossed my mind. What if ants could write in journals?  I started to giggle to myself when these words came to mind.....I now read to you from the Book of Ant.  Chapter 1 verse 1.


 Chapter 1

1.And it came to pass that we did gather in the land bountiful.  Yea, a land abundant in milk and honey and pieces of angel hair pasta.  And we did praise and rejoice, for our bounty was great.  And we did labor with our legs and did work all the day to gather our harvest in.

2. And it came to pass that there arose a great and terrible storm.  And there was tempest and wild winds.  Yea many were carried off.  And wither they went, know man knoweth.


I don't know why that made me laugh...but it did.  I also don't know if there will be further chapters and verses  in the Book of Ant (BOA), but I will say that the spider that lived in my washing machine certainly must have had a tale to tell as well.  We shall see....

PS  After I vacuumed up his comrades I saw a lone ant wandering aimlessly across my tile.  I swear I heard him say his tiny ant voice, " Wither I go, it mattereth not......"