The fun parts about being a boy.

Yesterday I came in the bathroom to get Jack out of the tub.  He was standing up and he was...how do I say this?....exploring his boy parts. Anyway, he told me with great excitement. "Mom!, there are two little bubbles in here.  I can move them around.  You should try this, it's actually pretty fun!"  Ha ha...I love that kid so much.  When I told him what the bubbles were really called, he laughed.  Annie, who was in the bathroom too, was mortified.  

Adventures at Stake Conference

The pioneers had to walk barefoot across the plains with little or no food in winter blizzards while carrying all their earthly possessions, but we...we face a slightly harder trial in our day.  We have a two hour meeting in which we have to keep our kids quiet and attentive while sitting on cold, hard metal chairs, (if we were not smart enough to arrive 2 hours early to secure the coveted soft seats).  This trial is known as Stake Conference!!!!   It was funny to exchange looks with the other mothers as we hauled our bags full of coloring books, crayons, snacks, and whatever toy we thought wouldn't be too loud into the church building.  We seemed to say to each other, "Stay strong sister"..."This too shall pass".  Now, for at least the last 5 years, this feeling of dread was not the case.  Because other than this year, most of the time I have been ingenious enough to be a part of the Stake Choir.  Stake conference had always been a highly uplifting experience for me.  How could it not!?  I was sitting in the EXTRA comfy choir chairs (a huge step up from the padded pews).  I was usually sitting by a friend and not by wiggly children.  I was super attentive and alert. (usually because I was on camera and didn't dare doze off) And I could look out at the happy listening faces of those sitting in the pews as we shared in the strong spirit of the meeting.  Ok, this year was different...Today I learned that there are two very different meetings going on in that building.  You have the "Spirit Paradise" meeting.  These are those who are in the choir seats, and the padded pew in a well lit chapel.  They are smiling and attentive and surrounded by those who are smiling and attentive.  They enjoy a reverent meeting and come away edified and uplifted. Then you have that small number of padded chair folding chair people who are super close to the light and just in front of the large screens that are pulled down for the people in the back.  They usually have a similar experience as those in the front of the chapel. Then...oh then, you have that line where it changes from carpet to gym floor.  From well lit to dim.  From soft seats to cold, hard, super uncomfortable metal chairs.  I call this spirit Prison.  This is where you are surrounded by noisy kids, grumpy moms, dim lighting (because of the screens that are projecting the meeting) sleeping dads, and restless teenagers.  Of course I am exaggerating, but it was funny to see the differences between the meetings I experienced in the choir, and the meeting I experienced today.  Although being in the back is probably a more appropriate place for my family.  We had some good laughs during the meeting.  One of them came when the words to the rest hymn were not displayed on the screen and we didn't have a hymn book to look at.  The song was All Creatures of our God and King.  This is pretty much exactly how it went for us:

 Other than the hard chairs and noise around us..(and within our family) the meeting was still wonderful.  It focused on both missionary work and family history work.  (That much I did get)  I was being a little naughty and took a few photos of my family and our adventures in Stake Conference.  I will look back on these pictures as a reminder to join the choir again next Stake Conference.

Mike, who usually has to sit on the stand, got lots of back scratches and attention.  He only slept  a tiny bit . :)

Casie and I listened the ENTIRE time.

Jack was pretty good and played with my phone most of the time.  Not something I love during a meeting, but come on, it was a TWO HOUR meeting!

Yep.  This is the face Ellie kept giving me the WHOLE time.  I will translate what it means: "Mom, why does Casie get to sit by you and not me?" "How much more minutes?"  (she still says "much" even though we tell her it should be "many." ) "I want to go home." 

Annie can draw for hours.  At this meeting she drew for two hours....straight.  I hope she was still able to listen a little.  But I know for sure she entertained the guy behind us because he was mesmerized the whole time as he watched her draw. :-)

This was before the meeting started.  Casie wanted to walk up front so she could be on the two huge screens in the back.  I've never been so proud.

My son needs to stop watching Cake Boss.

Jack's 5th birthday is coming up.  It has been super entertaining talking about all his hopes and wishes for his big day.  In our family we get to choose each meal on our birthday.  Here is the menu for Jack's big day.

Breakfast: Chicken nuggets and bacon

Lunch:  Ice cream

Dinner:  Yummy Burritos with sauce.  Beans and Tortillas

The Cake: Jack informed me he wanted a My Little Pony cake.  I said I could make a cake and put pony's on it. "No" he said, "I want one shaped like a pony".  I informed him that it was probably a little too hard for a woman of my skills to pull that one off.

 His Response.....
"It's easy peasy!  Just go make rice crispy treats and shape them into legs and a body.  Then you put the head on and cover the whole thing in fondant.  See...easy peasy!!!!.....(thinking)....actually we might need to call Cake Boss and he can bring it on a plane from New York."

My poor child may be a bit disappointed on his big day.


In other child news.....

After scripture study last night someone picked up a ball that had been left on the ground and we started  tossing it back and forth amongst the family.  Because I am a cheesy Mom and always searching for ways to spread my cheese, I said "Whoever is holding the ball has to say something they like about the person who threw it to them." After establishing my game, I threw it to Annie.  She says in a serious, yet mocking tone, "I like that Mom doesn't go out gambling.  Instead she stays home and ponders our needs."

I have funny kids.

Falling off the potty train.

Jack will go down in history as the hardest Bearden child to potty train.  Casie will take a close second, Ellie third and Annie wins the easiest by FAR!

I love that little boy of mine SO stinking much, but I was mean to Jack yesterday.  I don't really want to record it, because it wasn't my finest parenting moment, and quite honestly I want him to forget it ever happened, but what he said was so cute I wanted to write it down.  After peeing his pants for the third time I put him fully clothed in the shower to wash off.  I didn't do freezing water, but it wasn't fun for him.  He was crying and I was almost crying too...(it's been almost 3 YEARS of trying to potty train him people!).  After turning off the water, I told him to stand in the shower while I went to get a towel.  As I was coming back I heard Jack say, "She went too far this time....Mom went too far."  My heart melted and I scooped up my little drowned rat and apologized for losing my temper.  I hate when I react  
negatively in situations when I know it's just making it worse.  I honestly am at a loss though.  I am not sure how to get him to use the potty!  I have gone through positive rewards (like treats and toys) to negative consequences ( like losing his scooter, oh, and add fully clothed shower to the list).  It's such a good thing that I am so head over hills in love with him.   It's also good that he loves me too and is quick to forgive my short comings.


One cute thing he said about potty training once was, " Mom, it would be so much easier if I could earn  prizes for peeing my pants."

Honest Abe...(aka Jack)

It was raining, it was cold, we went swimming anyway in the outdoor pool.  In order for kids to be able to get in the hot tub they have to be five.  Jack will be five in 2 months.  Here is the conversation I had with Jack before heading out to the pool.

ME: Jack, if they ask you how old you are then let's say your are five ok? (In my heart I knew I shouldn't had said that, but I also knew how cold he would be...and the serpent  Mike beguiled me and said that Jack was essentially five...and...and...and...)

Jack: (looking up at me with shock and disbelief) But, that's not right.

Me: (sheepishly) You're right..ok we won't do that.

Jack:  It's the rules Mom! And if you tell them I am 5 I will say, MY MOM IS A LIAR!  I'M ONLY FOUR!!!

Me:  (kicking myself..feeling small..and laughing a little)  I am sorry...you are right...good job....

Jack: And if they believe you and give me a wrist band that is blue (indicating that he is 5 or older)  I still won't get in the hot tub!!

Coloring with Uncle Matthew

Instead of trying to catch up on all the wonderful parts of life that have slipped by undocumented, I will just jump right back in and start blogging again from this point.  Sound good? Good.

Matthew, Jessica, and Toa came and visited us last week.  Matthew and Jess are extremely attentive and patient parents (like how I used to be until I grew grumpy and tired).  They really do their best to meet all of two year old Toa's needs and are really sweet to him even when he is in "terrible two mode".   On the last night they were here we felt like we wanted to soak up every minute we had left with them so I let the kids stay up late.  While Jessica was putting Toa down,  I walked in to find Matthew and Jack coloring together.  Matthew would draw Jack a picture then Jack would color it in.  First of all Jack has never, in all the four years I've known him, sat down and colored.  But these two sat like this for an hour!  The thing that touched me the most was that it was past 11pm.  I know Matthew had to be exhausted.  Being a dad is tiring on it's own, but be a patient and attentive dad is super tiring!! I am so glad he took the time to make Jack feel special.  

Prayer of the Children

Jack's Prayer:
Heavenly Father.  Thanks for this great day.  Please bless Sister Hansen.  Please bless that his stroke will go away. (we are fasting today for Brother Hansen, who Jack refers to as "Sister Hansen".  He is in the hospital after having a stroke.) Please bless Dad will get better.  Please bless I will get better.  Please bless that Heavenly Father will do really good at living in heaven. Please bless that Mom will do really good when the new baby comes.  (This is NOT an announcement, and I am hoping it's not a prophecy!! I don't know where he came up with that.) Name of Jesus Christ Amen.

Jack has been hating anything to do with Church so it was wonderful to hear him pray again.  He is such a sweet boy.  

So many Jackisms...so little time.

Jack: Sometimes when I hear a ghost type of noise, I get up and try to hit it in the eyes with a stick.

Jack: (sleeping in Casie's bed after talking about Christmas)  Casie I want to go sleep in Mom's bed now.  
Casie: Why?
Jack: Because I am scared.
Casie: Of What?  
Jack: Of Santa watching me. (then looking at the heater vents) Like, what if Santa is watching us through those vents?!

Mom:  What should we name our new cat? (aka a stray that we adopted)
Jack: Safety Marshal

Christmas Lights

Me:  I think I will take these tree lights back.  I don't love the light that the LED lights give off

Jack:  What kind of light does the JackD lights give off?

It took me a second, then I started to laugh. Obviously he thought I meant EllieD.  Smart little fella.

Another Strange Dream

I dreamed Mike got called to be a member of the 12 apostles.  We were at General Conference and President Monson called Mike up to the stand to be sustained.  I noticed as Mike stood he was wearing a shear shirt with a tank top underneath.  He also had painted his face white with Halloween make up.  As President Monson was asking for the sustaining vote and everyone was raising their hands, Mike wanted everyone to see how funny he was so he shouted into the micro phone, " Your Mom sustains me!" I was mortified and very happy to wake up.  

Jack's observations

Jack observed: Me picking a zit on Annie's face and her telling me it hurt.

Jack also observed:  Me giving Annie some herbal tea for her hurting stomach.

Putting all these observations together Jack came up to me and said, " Mom, I have a really sharp boogie in my noes that hurts.  I think you need to give me some coffee."

Already causing a stink.

We closed on our house in Daybreak yesterday.  I need to write a whole post about how it came to be that we decided to move, but the more pressing and interesting matter at hand is what was waiting for us when we arrived.  Enjoy our little adventure......

 IN we ran, excited as first graders on the first day of school.

 DOWN Mike ran to check out where he would set up his basement recording studio/office.

UP Mike ran to tell me there was a SKUNK in the window well.

OVER I crossed to my phone to call pest control.

OVER priced was their removal fee...($300)

INTO the window well flew some Pringles that Jack fed the "cute little baby"

AROUND a 2x4 I wrapped some twine

INTO the window well Mike placed our homemade "skunk ladder"

OUT sprayed skunk stink all over Mike and our new home (luckily it wasn't a direct hit to Mike.  Mike was being very careful but the skunk was understandably nervous)

OUT almost came vomit from us.

IN the window well the skunk ladder stayed

OUT came the skunk sometime during the night.

IN we will move once the stink is gone.

It's what fun is

What is my recipe for fun at an amusement park you ask?  Well,... I must not be hot, I must not have to wait in long lines, I must have good things to eat, I must have happy children, I must be surrounded by family, and no one must puke on me.  Our trip to Lagoon today didn't disappoint.  As you can see from my first two photo's the dark clouds rolling insured that we were not too hot.  Perhaps the forecast also kept the crowds away because the lines were great...(although I am comparing them to the lines we waited in a month ago in Disney World...hmmm...I should blog about that...anyway we waited for 80 MINUTES for one ride!!!  Plus it was hot hot hot...PLUS Annie and Casie both puked. Were my  requirements for fun fulfilled?  No they were not!)  

 Ok, here is where things got a little crazy for a while.  Casie somehow talked me into going on the Sky coaster with her.  Basically they haul you up a million miles and then let you drop in a swinging fashion.  Casie has ALWAYS been a dare devil and I have ALWAYS been a wimp.  For some reason I agreed to do this ride with her.

 Here we are soaring through the air. It actually was a really fun ride.  I would do it again.  Maybe.  I am super proud that Casie is so daring.   She's everything I wish I was at her age.  Ok, now back to those pesky rain clouds...... Rich and Melissa and Mike hadn't been able to ride any "Big Kid" rides since they were busy with the little ones. (I took the teens, Mike took the toddlers...I wet myself on the Sky Coaster, he got wet on on the baby bumper cars...even trade off right?)  I offered to take the kids to some of the kiddie rides.  5 minutes later there is a DOWNPOUR!  I rush back to our pavilion with the kids, but Mike and company decide that they still want to go on their well earned ride.  Here is the result.....

 I told Melissa she couldn't touch her mascara until I took a pic.

Here's the whole crew waiting out the storm.  

I didn't get any pics of Annie and Ellie, but they had a blast today.  Ellie is turning out to be quite the adventurer.  She took on every scary roller coaster and craved the next big thing.  Annie is taking after her mother a little more.  It actually pleased me to see how unaffected she was by our peer pressure.  If there was a ride she thought looked too scary she simply said, "I'm not going on it."  There was nothing anyone could do to change her mind.  It was a fact.  She is leaps above where I was at her age.  She did a few scary rides and enjoyed them.  Jack was a joy.  He loved all the little rides and was the only one who wasn't ready to leave when the time came.  He fell into a deep sleep 3.2 seconds into our car ride home.  

Mother's Day or I'm an IDIOT?

This is a choose your own adventure post!  If you would like to read about Mother's Day click here.  If you would like to read about how I am an idiot click here.

Ha Ha...psych!  Those aren't really links, I knew everyone would choose the idiot one, so I will just write about that one.  Maybe the Mother's Day one will follow.

So there I was, minding my own business in a strange new city (Park City) which had a strange new Walmart.  From the moment I walked in I noticed how different this Walmart was compared to the Walmart that I avoid at all cost yet still seem to frequently visit back in my home town.  Everything was topsy turvy.  The crafts were next to the fish.  The lotion was next to the camping equipment.  There was a guy with a mic trying to sell knives.  People were smiling and one of the employees was nice to me.  Totally different than any Walmart I am used to.  So anyway, I was leisurely milling about killing time while Mike had the kids on a secret mission to buy me some Mother's Day gifts. (They were also in Walmart)   After gathering a few snacks...(for Casie's Lacrosse game, which is why we were in PC) I decided to use the public restroom...(something I also avoid doing but when ya gotta go, ya gotta go).  I left my grocery bags with Annie and walked into the bathroom.  Now, being observant has never been one of my strong assets, but in this case my observancy (is that a real word?)  was the very thing that got me into trouble.  As I walked into the restroom I noticed that on my left was a light switch.  Above that light switch was a sign that read, "Please flip this switch if bathroom needs attention"  I thought that was odd, but after going through this strange and mysterious Walmart, I had come to accept the unexpected.  If I had not been looking and pondering so intently on the switch to my left, I would have noticed the row of urinals to my right.  But alas, I stared at that switch until I had closed the door to the stall.  I really should have been clued in as I walked into the stall.  There was toilet paper on the floor and the toilet was a beacon of putrescence.  The seat was the very symbol of why I never want to use public restrooms.  All I could think as I hovered there, (TMI?) was that I was SO going to be flipping that switch when I was done.  As I opened the door and headed toward the sink I looked in the mirror.  MUCH to my horror, there in the reflection were two men in the classic "peeing man stance".  I am sure the blood drained from my face as I gasped.  My first gut reaction was to draw attention to my error by saying, "Oh, whoops..looks like I made a bit of a mistake."  Luckily my survival instincts took over and made me stay silent and RUN out of the bathroom.  Ellie happened to be coming out of the girls bathroom at the same time.  I grabbed her arm and whispered, "We need to run".   We ran to the car, laughing all the way.


Oh, one more idiot story to share.  Does anyone else love those very berry, very red, very sticky fruit smoothies you get from Costco?  Well a word of caution to you fellow smoothy lovers out there.  If you happen to buy one and you happen to set in on your bumper while you are loading your THOUSANDS of dollars worth of groceries into your Suburban.  Make sure you grab it BEFORE you SLAM your cargo door shut.  Otherwise you will have a very berry, very red,  very sticky mess ALL over your thousands of dollars worth of groceries.  Luckily I had just bought paper towels.    

Maybe he'd stop if we didn't laugh so hard...

Oh my little Jack.  What a potty mouth he has.  Today he told a story that got the girls (and me) rolling with laughter.  Here it is...

"Once upon a time, Dad was hugging a horse.  He hugged the horse so hard that Dad tooted.  (girls laugh hard..Jack sees the reaction and continues with his tale..) Then Dad hugged another horse.  Dad hugged the horse so hard that it maked Dad AND the Horse toot."  Even Mike who was sound asleep woke up and started laughing at Jack's story. I try to tell him that it's not acting like a "Gentleman" when he says things like that, but when the whole family is laughing at him, it's hard to make him stop.  Out of nowhere a couple of days ago he came up to me and said, "When Jesus comes again I will probably stop doing potty talk.  But I will keep saying potty words until he gets here." 

Christmas Miracle!

No, the Miracle isn't that I posted three posts in one day, it's a different one that happened almost 9 years ago.

Christmastime was upon us.  I was just starting my shopping and I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder.  I felt like all the gifts I had ever given my kids were forgotten 1 week after Christmas.  I really wanted to give them something that they would love and play with for a LONG time.  As I pulled out of my driveway to hit the store I decided to say a little prayer.  I asked Heavenly Father to help me find a gift that my kids would play with for years to come.  Literally, the second I said amen, Annie (who was a quiet little two year old, but was known for several "from the mouth of babes" types of conversations) said " Mom, I want Thomas Trains for Christmas".  She had NEVER mentioned trains before and I NEVER thought of ever buying my girls trains before.  I had to laugh at such a specific and immediate answer to my prayer.  I of course bought Annie a wooden train set for Christmas that year.  Annie is now 11 and we still have the original set we bought her..(give or take a few missing tracks)  We have added to it throughout the years, and it has remained a constant favorite among my kids as well as cousins and neighbors.  I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who cares about even the smallest desires of my heart.

Here is Jack with the whole set up....(our tracks and trains have TRIPLED in amount since this young man has started potty training.)

Jack's Dream

Jack told me he dreamed that he was in the Temple with baby Max.  He said they were in the waiting room singing a song together.  This made so much sense to me.  I have always felt that Jack and Max not only shared a strong friendship, but a musical bond as well.  When I was about six months pregnant with Max, Jack suddenly became very sensitive to lullabies.  I remember one night I was holding him and I starting singing, "Hush little baby don't you cry"...Jack's lower lip started to quiver and he broke into sobs.   The same thing happened with Rock-a -bye Baby.  I thought it was very strange because I had sung these songs to him his whole life. Shortly after Max passed away, Jack (who was only 2) couldn't listen to soft music without bursting into tears.  Primary songs were the hardest for him. I remember his sweet nursery teachers tearfully telling me how Jack teared up during "I am a Child of God" during nursery.  I started to wonder if my two boys used to sing together before coming to earth.  I wondered if somehow Jack's little spirit knew that he wouldn't get to spend his earthly life with his best friend.  I loved that he shared his dream with me.  Both of my boys are so special to me.  I truly look forward to the day when I can see their beautiful friendship resume.  

More Quotes from the Bearden Kids.

Jack and Mom snuggling in bed.

Jack: Mom, will I have a husband someday?
Me: No, you will BE a husband someday.  You will meet a girl and then get married and have kids and be your own little family.
Jack: I will have my own babies?
Me: Yep
Jack: Well, I don't know how to hold babies.
Me:  I will show you.
Jack:  (deep thoughts...)How do I call that family and tell them that I just want my Mom?


Jack and Ellie swimming in the tub with their swimsuits on.

Jack:  Ellie, would you like to swim in yellow water?


Ellie showing me her school work.
Ellie: Here is a test I only got 13 out of 30 right....(pause)  It's a good thing I'm cute!

And the Winner is...

SARAH!!!!

Thanks for all your funny comments!

Sarah wins some dishwasher soap!  I order it monthly from Melaleuca.  It's A-MA-ZING.  Even the expensive brand from the store doesn't get my dishes this clean and spot-free.  It's also totally natural I know there is no dangerous soap residue left behind.  Enjoy Sarah!! 

Do you ever wake up with a comic strip idea in your mind?

...cause I do.  For some reason I woke up a couple of weeks ago with all these little comics about fish running swimming through my mind.  Strange I know, but I am what I am.

Originally I was going to share them on my blog and allow others to give me small patronizing courtesy laughs, but instead I have decided to let ALL my readers (aka Mom, Mindy, and Sarah...and possibly a few stalkers) see what their own imaginations can come up with.  I have commissioned a world renowned artist (Annie) to draw the pictures and I will let YOU come up with a caption.  I will share my own caption at a later time.  Should I do a drawing for a fabulous prize?  Yes, yes I should.  OK, leave a comment with your own caption and I will do a drawing.  The prize will be a house hold product that has changed my life.  Ready,...Set,....Be Funny!!!