This is a choose your own adventure post! If you would like to read about Mother's Day click here. If you would like to read about how I am an idiot click here.
Ha Ha...psych! Those aren't really links, I knew everyone would choose the idiot one, so I will just write about that one. Maybe the Mother's Day one will follow.
So there I was, minding my own business in a strange new city (Park City) which had a strange new Walmart. From the moment I walked in I noticed how different this Walmart was compared to the Walmart that I avoid at all cost yet still seem to frequently visit back in my home town. Everything was topsy turvy. The crafts were next to the fish. The lotion was next to the camping equipment. There was a guy with a mic trying to sell knives. People were smiling and one of the employees was nice to me. Totally different than any Walmart I am used to. So anyway, I was leisurely milling about killing time while Mike had the kids on a secret mission to buy me some Mother's Day gifts. (They were also in Walmart) After gathering a few snacks...(for Casie's Lacrosse game, which is why we were in PC) I decided to use the public restroom...(something I also avoid doing but when ya gotta go, ya gotta go). I left my grocery bags with Annie and walked into the bathroom. Now, being observant has never been one of my strong assets, but in this case my observancy (is that a real word?) was the very thing that got me into trouble. As I walked into the restroom I noticed that on my left was a light switch. Above that light switch was a sign that read, "Please flip this switch if bathroom needs attention" I thought that was odd, but after going through this strange and mysterious Walmart, I had come to accept the unexpected. If I had not been looking and pondering so intently on the switch to my left, I would have noticed the row of urinals to my right. But alas, I stared at that switch until I had closed the door to the stall. I really should have been clued in as I walked into the stall. There was toilet paper on the floor and the toilet was a beacon of putrescence. The seat was the very symbol of why I never want to use public restrooms. All I could think as I hovered there, (TMI?) was that I was SO going to be flipping that switch when I was done. As I opened the door and headed toward the sink I looked in the mirror. MUCH to my horror, there in the reflection were two men in the classic "peeing man stance". I am sure the blood drained from my face as I gasped. My first gut reaction was to draw attention to my error by saying, "Oh, whoops..looks like I made a bit of a mistake." Luckily my survival instincts took over and made me stay silent and RUN out of the bathroom. Ellie happened to be coming out of the girls bathroom at the same time. I grabbed her arm and whispered, "We need to run". We ran to the car, laughing all the way.
Oh, one more idiot story to share. Does anyone else love those very berry, very red, very sticky fruit smoothies you get from Costco? Well a word of caution to you fellow smoothy lovers out there. If you happen to buy one and you happen to set in on your bumper while you are loading your THOUSANDS of dollars worth of groceries into your Suburban. Make sure you grab it BEFORE you SLAM your cargo door shut. Otherwise you will have a very berry, very red, very sticky mess ALL over your thousands of dollars worth of groceries. Luckily I had just bought paper towels.
Ha Ha...psych! Those aren't really links, I knew everyone would choose the idiot one, so I will just write about that one. Maybe the Mother's Day one will follow.
So there I was, minding my own business in a strange new city (Park City) which had a strange new Walmart. From the moment I walked in I noticed how different this Walmart was compared to the Walmart that I avoid at all cost yet still seem to frequently visit back in my home town. Everything was topsy turvy. The crafts were next to the fish. The lotion was next to the camping equipment. There was a guy with a mic trying to sell knives. People were smiling and one of the employees was nice to me. Totally different than any Walmart I am used to. So anyway, I was leisurely milling about killing time while Mike had the kids on a secret mission to buy me some Mother's Day gifts. (They were also in Walmart) After gathering a few snacks...(for Casie's Lacrosse game, which is why we were in PC) I decided to use the public restroom...(something I also avoid doing but when ya gotta go, ya gotta go). I left my grocery bags with Annie and walked into the bathroom. Now, being observant has never been one of my strong assets, but in this case my observancy (is that a real word?) was the very thing that got me into trouble. As I walked into the restroom I noticed that on my left was a light switch. Above that light switch was a sign that read, "Please flip this switch if bathroom needs attention" I thought that was odd, but after going through this strange and mysterious Walmart, I had come to accept the unexpected. If I had not been looking and pondering so intently on the switch to my left, I would have noticed the row of urinals to my right. But alas, I stared at that switch until I had closed the door to the stall. I really should have been clued in as I walked into the stall. There was toilet paper on the floor and the toilet was a beacon of putrescence. The seat was the very symbol of why I never want to use public restrooms. All I could think as I hovered there, (TMI?) was that I was SO going to be flipping that switch when I was done. As I opened the door and headed toward the sink I looked in the mirror. MUCH to my horror, there in the reflection were two men in the classic "peeing man stance". I am sure the blood drained from my face as I gasped. My first gut reaction was to draw attention to my error by saying, "Oh, whoops..looks like I made a bit of a mistake." Luckily my survival instincts took over and made me stay silent and RUN out of the bathroom. Ellie happened to be coming out of the girls bathroom at the same time. I grabbed her arm and whispered, "We need to run". We ran to the car, laughing all the way.
Oh, one more idiot story to share. Does anyone else love those very berry, very red, very sticky fruit smoothies you get from Costco? Well a word of caution to you fellow smoothy lovers out there. If you happen to buy one and you happen to set in on your bumper while you are loading your THOUSANDS of dollars worth of groceries into your Suburban. Make sure you grab it BEFORE you SLAM your cargo door shut. Otherwise you will have a very berry, very red, very sticky mess ALL over your thousands of dollars worth of groceries. Luckily I had just bought paper towels.
4 comments:
You are hilarious! With all your improv experience, I would have expected you to say something smart and sassy to those peeing men. Probably best you ran though!
Why did't you wait until they left....or at least zipped up?
When I moved to Georgia, the Walmart there was organized very differently than the Walmart I was use to. I was exhausted from the move and I discovered that I was 'lost' in the store- I couldn't find the check-out stands and I got so flustered. Now I am really glad that I didn't have to use the bathroom while I was there that night!
I'm laying here on my bed laughing so hard and trying not to wake Kyle up in the process. So funny and well written.
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