FHE May 9

Last night wasn't a highly spiritual FHE, but we had a lot of fun.  We started the night with Jack welcoming us.  Then we spent about 5 minutes doing what Jack told us to do.
"Say Book"
"Book"
"Say blididiooo"
"Blididiooooo"
He loves it when we ALL copy him.  It makes him laugh really hard.
We then moved onto a song led by Casie.  She led us in a rousing rendition of George Micheals' "I'm never gonna dance again..." ( But we just sang the saxophone solo part). I then insisted we sing Praise to the Man.

Next I gave a small uninspired shpill about how even when it's raining outside (which it was) we can still do things to be active and exercise our bodies.  Here is what we did:

We each came up with a silly action that involved moving in some way.  Then we put them all together and timed each person as they performed the list of tasks.  The person who did it the fastest got a prize. 
Our first course was:
Run up and down the stairs (Mom's idea)
Then do 10 jumping Jacks (Ellie's idea)
Then move all the kitchen chairs into the family room, then back again. (Annie's idea)
Then do five somersaults (Casie's idea)
Then do a dance while the rest of the family sings the saxophone solo to "I'm never gonna dance again" (Dad's idea) This was even funnier because you get really dizzy after doing 5 somersaults in a row.

It was hilarious to watch.  Annie especially got into giggling fits as she watched her fellow family members frantically moving the kitchen chairs.

Our next list was:
Roll on the ground six times then wave (Ellie's idea)
Run around the inside of house two times (Casie's idea)

Run to the basement, bring up a Cup-o-Noodles, and then run and put it back. (Annie's idea)
Make a basket in Jack's basketball hoop (Mom's idea)
Carry Jack as you make another lap around the inside of the house.  When you are done you throw Jack on the couch and the timer stops. (Dad's idea)

The cutest thing is that Jack remembered most of the courses and insisted he have a turn too.  We laughed really hard when after about 2 minutes of being downstairs in the basement, Jack finally emerged with a whole bag of macaroni.  It was a fun family night. :-) 

What if Ants kept a record of their people?

 We are having a problem with ants.  I don't blame them for coming to my house.  My children and their messy messy ways provide a perfect hunting ground for these little fellas.  I usually will see a swarm (do ants swarm?) of them on a crust of bread and pull out my vacuum and suck them up.  After doing such a vacuuming one day, a thought crossed my mind. What if ants could write in journals?  I started to giggle to myself when these words came to mind.....I now read to you from the Book of Ant.  Chapter 1 verse 1.


 Chapter 1

1.And it came to pass that we did gather in the land bountiful.  Yea, a land abundant in milk and honey and pieces of angel hair pasta.  And we did praise and rejoice, for our bounty was great.  And we did labor with our legs and did work all the day to gather our harvest in.

2. And it came to pass that there arose a great and terrible storm.  And there was tempest and wild winds.  Yea many were carried off.  And wither they went, know man knoweth.


I don't know why that made me laugh...but it did.  I also don't know if there will be further chapters and verses  in the Book of Ant (BOA), but I will say that the spider that lived in my washing machine certainly must have had a tale to tell as well.  We shall see....

PS  After I vacuumed up his comrades I saw a lone ant wandering aimlessly across my tile.  I swear I heard him say his tiny ant voice, " Wither I go, it mattereth not......"

Deep thoughts from Annie

Annie is infamous for coming up with random questions. Well, they only seem random because most of Annie's thoughts occur in hours of silent contemplation.  Only a  few tidbits that she couldn't make sense of, or that particularly vex her, make their way to vocalization.  (Unlike Ellie who's every thought is rattling out of her mouth the milli-second her brain concocts them.)  Annie is a deep thinker.  This is what she asked me a couple of days ago.

"Mom, does Airborne mean that your were born in an airplane?" 

She was very sincere and wasn't trying to be cute.  I loved it.  Annie's deep and detailed thinking has however, turned out to be a bad thing on some occasions.   In my family we have a favorite childhood story about my brother Ben who is also well known for his deep thoughts.  Once when my Dad was out of town, my Mom had put her young children to bed and decided to take a bath.  While sitting there soaking, she heard the faint sounds of crying.  As the crying drew closer and closer she couldn't help but panic wondering if the child was sick, or even worse, that the child was scared because someone was in the house....(all us wives have these thoughts when our husbands are out of town).  Finally the crying was outside the bathroom door and she recognized it as Ben.
  "Ben,...what's the matter?"
"sniff...sniff....I was just thinking about Space."

We always laugh at that story.  A couple of nights ago we had a very similar experience with Annie.

I was asleep when I heard Annie sniffling by my bedside. 
"Annie,.... what's the matter?"
"sniff...sniff....I've just been thinking about abandon mines"

Apparently her class had been learning about abandon mines in school.  They even made posters entitled, "Stay out.  Stay alive!"  They were shown a video about some kids who decided to play in an abandon mine that resulted in their untimely demise.  Poor Annie.  I assured her that is was her choice whether or not she would EVER enter an abandon mine. 

On the happy side, Annie's poster was one of two chosen in the whole school to go onto the State competition.  If her poster is chosen there, it will be featured in the "Stay out, Stay Alive" calendar.   

Casie Montana

A couple of days ago a friend of mine asked if Casie would help out the Make a wish Foundation.  They needed someone to dress up as Hannah Montana and sing to a little girl who was just granted the chance to meet the REAL Hannah Montana.  This sweet little girl is only 5 years old and is on the waiting list for her SECOND heart transplant. 
Getting Casie looking like Hannah Montana was no easy task.  After a trip to Ross to buy something "sparkly", I started looking for a blond wig.  Seriously, if it's not Halloween, it's hard to find a wig in this town!  Luckily Sally's Beauty Supply had a mega blow-out deal on some hair pieces.  I ended up buy two hair pieces and combined them to make one Hannah Montana do.   Seriously, we spent around two hours making Casie up.  Once we were ready we met the Make a wish ladies outside the little girls apartment.  They told Casie to sing a Hannah Montana song, and then they would reveal to the little girl (her parents already knew) that her wish was granted.  The family had all gathered to see the event.  The sweet little girls was so impossibly shy, but did give a little smile at the end of Casie's song.  It was really special for me to be there for this event.  I am so grateful Casie had a chance to see outside of herself and be a part of such a special event.  I could tell that seeing the little girl, and knowing she might not make it, had a big effect on Casie.  She said a special prayer for her at our family prayer that night.  It was seriously only about 10 seconds of singing, but I think a seed of service and compassion and love has been planted.  I am very proud of her, and hope she will continue to use her talents for good.

From Tithing to Hoops to Paying for your stuff....FHE April 4

Tonight's Family Night was a bit all over the place, but still enjoyable.  After conference on Sunday all the kids said that they really liked the talk on Tithing given by Elder Pratt.  We all agreed that we could do better on paying a full and honest tithe.  Mike began family night by reading the scripture from Malachi about "Will a man rob God."  Mike tried to emphasis to the girls about paying your tithing RIGHT when you get money.(The Spirit might have been there, but I was too busy asking Ellie to sit still, and to be quiet, and to sit up, and to stop playing with Jack....ya, she lost her family night treat tonight. )  Anyway, after Mike's short lesson, we headed up to Annie and Ellies room where which lies the hugest white board that has no business in any one's room, but gets used quite a bit.  Mike wrote down sums of money and the girls took turns telling him how much tithing you would pay if you were fortunate enough to have all that money.  Then we passed out some change and told them to separate what you would keep and what went to Heavenly Father.
When we were satisfied that they were knowledgeable about how to calculate tithing, we closed our family night with a prayer and started our family council...(aka another attempt to get the kids to clean up after themselves) 
The plan of the week was this:
A laundry basket.  Anything left in out goes in the basket and you have to pay a quarter to get it out OR wait until Sat morning and you can take it for free...BUT....at precisely 10 am (or whenever I remember) the basket will be emptied into the DI bag, or the trash....(pant..pant...pant..)  If the individual has no funds where which to pay for the item in the laundry basket, they will be allowed to perform a small or large task in order to earn the needed quarter to remove the desired item from the basket....(drink of water)  Furthermore, if the adolescents in the household happen to notice that an adult member of the family has left his/her item in one of the common areas of the home, (bed rooms don't count)  That child is entitled to place that item in the basket and must mark the item with her name so that the parent can pay the child who placed their belongings in the basket.  (sweat dripping down forehead) In conclusion, because rooms do not count, we have also added that if a child wants to play with friends or watch TV they can only do so if their said room is in proper order. (Near the state of unconsciousness)... Also.....if you take an item out of the laundry basket WITHOUT the proper payment, you will hear by be sentenced to life in prison WITHOUT any possibility of parole!!!

Whew...why can't they just pick up their stuff without all this hoopla!  Oh well...here's to another try.  Wish us luck...

Ok, after the court hearing...I mean family discussion on how to do better, we headed back downstairs for a game.  (I did mention our FHE was all over the place didn't I?) OK, to be honest, it turned out to be more of a trick than a game, but we still had fun. Here's how it went down.

Mike set up papers with money amounts written on them all surrounding Jack's basketball hoop.  Everyone got 10 shots from where ever they wanted to stand.  A close to the hoop paper said .10. One that was further away was .25.  There was a .75 behind the hoop.  And a 1.00 REALLY far away.  It was actually fun to see our girls personalities and thought processes come out as we played this game.  Casie took every shot from the dollar mark.  She made 2 out of 10 on the first try and 0 out of 10 on the next.  Ellie tried a couple of tries from every single paper and ended up with .80 on the first try and 1.25 on the next.  Annie took every single shot from the .25 and made the most money out of everyone with 3.75.  Jack earned .20 when Ellie lifted him up for a shot.  Anyway, onto the trick of our game........

Because we had talked about tithing first and our laundry basket of belongings second, Annie and Casie immediately started talking about using their earnings from our game to buy back some of their items they had lost that day.  Only Ellie went straight to the table and counted out her tithing!  I was watching this all go down and as soon as I saw what Ellie had done I shouted, "Winner!"  I awarded her with an extra quarter and praised her for remembering to pay the Lord first.  Annie and Casie were smiling sheepishly and realized they had forgotten.  (you may be thinking that Ellie deserved to earn her FHE treat back by doing such a good job on paying her tithing....but no. I am trying to do better at sticking to punishments with her.  Sorry Ellie.  But as usual in true Ellie fashion, she accepted her punishment with no malice or crying.  We will see if she is better during our lesson next week)

Just to prove that our FHE was truly all over the place, I will add that we ended the night with scripture study and me teaching the kids how to do the bunny hop. 


Mike showing us how it's done....



Making Tithing Envelopes



Home Dedication

Finally I am getting around to doing this post!  We had such a wonderful FHE when we dedicated our home.  We began by Mike welcoming us to FHE.  Then we sang The Spirit of God as our opening hymn.  Casie then gave us a talk on why we want our home to be like the Temple.  She said she always feels peace and safe when she is at the temple and wanted to always feel that way when she was at home.  Then Annie showed us her temple she made out of paper cups and paper.  She also asked to bare her testimony.  It was really sweet.  Then we had a musical number by Annie, Mom, and Dad.  I totally messed up the harmony so we won't speak too much about it at this time.   Then Ellie gave her talk on how we can keep our house like the temple.  She said we should always pick up after ourselves and be nice to each other.  Then Mike got up and dedicated our house.  I felt the spirit so strongly as he prayed.  I felt the familiar feeling of Max's spirit along with others enter the second Mike started to pray.  It was so beautiful and so touching to have such a wonderful feeling in our home.  In the prayer Mike blessed our home to be a place of peace and happiness.  He also dedicated it as a safe haven from the world.  He blessed us as a family to do the things that would help us feel the Spirit, and to also have it be a place where Max's spirit could be felt as well.  I am grateful that Mike is a worthy priesthood holder and was able to bless our home with such power.


Here are a few of our pictures from the dedication, as well as the few prior FHE's we had in preparation for the dedication. 

Scrubbing walls in Annie and Ellie's room

Jack looking at the Temple fountains

Annie writing in her Journal on the Temple Grounds

Annie and Ellie....huddling together for warmth.

Ellie holding up her talk.  We waited until after the service to take pictures.:-)

Annie and her temple

Casie

I unveiled this surprise after the dedication.  It's on the wall in the Family room.

Grandma Madsen and Dave Degraw came to the dedication.  AND.......

Took us out for ice cream afterwards!

Sad Music

Is it healthy to do things that make you feel sad?  Tonight I listened to the song that played on the video during Max's funeral.  Hearing it brought a flood of sadness and painful memories straight to the surface.  It's like that song is the slightest knock of a hammer that breaks my heart all over again.  I feel just like I did three months ago,... wondering how I can live without my son.  How can I go one more minute without kissing his soft cheek or rubbing his fuzzy little head.  Was listening to that song really a good thing for me to do?  Because in a way, I guess it's really just helping me mourn and helps me open the flood gates to my heart.  Max is always on my mind, but I haven't sobbed for him in a long time.  It feels good to cry for him...in a painful sort of way.  I've said it before, but Max is worth every tear I cry for him.  He is worth every thought I have of him.  He's worth every effort it takes to cope with his loss.
I know I will feel better tomorrow.  I feel better now as I write.  Every so often I need to publicly share my feelings about Max.  I feel like just in case he can't read my mind and know the countless times I think of him, I want him to know that I love him and miss him.

Family night and a bit of a potty mouth

A couple of weeks ago I realized that we had not dedicated our home.  It gave me an idea to focus our next couple of FHEs on preparing ourselves, and our home to be dedicated.  I decided to do this in Phases.

WEEK 1 Cleaning (The kids love it when we clean for family night!) 

Instead of pulling out the old whip to get the kids moving, we started by discussing and reading this scripture together:

"Organize yourselves.  Prepare every needful thing and establish a house.  Even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God."

I asked them to look around their rooms (which were particularly messy) and said, "Do you think a Queen would live in a place like this?"  Of course they laughed and said "No way!"  Then I asked if they thought God would like to live in a place like this.  Again, they concluded that he would not.  I then proceeded to explain that because they are children of God, they can be Queens someday. I told them they deserved more than to live in such a mess.  They were worth much more to their Heavenly Father and he wanted the best for them. 
Before we started cleaning, we said a prayer.  Unlike most of our cleaning adventures, I really felt the Spirit and I think that they did too.  We then spent the next couple of hours cleaning and organizing their rooms until they were perfect.  I kept reminding them that we were trying to get their room ready to feel like the temple.  One funny (but true) line I kept asking as we washed their walls was, "Girls, do you think there are boogies all over the temple walls?....get a tissue!)  Other then that, I was pretty patient with them. :-)

WEEK 2 Memorizing
The next week we didn't have tons of time for FHE.  I decided to have the kids memorize the scripture we had read together the previous week.  We all sat in a circle, and I assigned each of the girls a line from the scripture.  They had to come up with some sort of action to go along with their line. 

We all started by saying the first line together (and yes we started to sound like a scary cult, but it was funny and it worked.)...Organize yourselves.  Prepare every needful thing and establish a house,......
Then Ellie folded her arms and said, "Even a house of prayer"
I rubbed my stomach and said, "A house of fasting"
Mike raised his hands to heaven and said, " A house of faith"
Casie made a book with her hands and said in a nerdy voice, "A house of learning"
Annie punched her arm pits (??...we gave no rules on what the sign had to be) and said "A house of Glory"
Then Jack was supposed to say "A house of order" but he just ran around playing, so we just knew where he was supposed to say it and pretended to organize something for our sign.
Then we all stood up and raised our hands to the sky and said, "A house of God!"  Then we all brought our hands down and bowed our heads solemnly. It was funny and corny. 
We then mixed up our circle. The action and line stayed with the place, but we all sat somewhere different each time.  We kept doing this until all the kids had the scripture memorized.  Each of us stood up at the end and recited the entire scripture by ourselves.  
The kids really liked it and we now all know a scripture that will hopefully remind our family of how we want our home to be.

Week  3 Visiting the Temple
This was our FHE last night.  It didn't turn out as well as I wanted it to because it was cold.  We brought our journals to the Temple and wrote down how we felt while we were on the temple grounds and how each person thought we could make our home feel more like the temple.  Like I said, it was cold, so we really just walked around, wrote a sentence, and ran back to the car.  Maybe it would have been better a little earlier.  Oh well, it was still nice. 

Here is the potty mouth part......
On the way home from the temple I asked the kids to recite the scripture they had learned the previous week.  After they got done, we heard Jacks little voice say, "A house of tooting...." 
We laughed our heads off. 

So this next Monday is the big day!  We are going to get dressed in our church clothes and have a special dedication service. I assigned each of the girls a topic to talk about.  Then Mike will say the prayer, and I will unveil a big surprise!  Hopefully it all turns out the way I hope it will.  And I hope we can all start to feel heaven a little more in our home. 

DO buy fat pants....as long as they are cute.

For a while I had made up my mind to not buy any clothes until I could fit into the size I wanted.  Where did that get me?  Frumpy, grumpy, and depressed.   Two days ago I went to Kohl's and bought some pants that fit me now!  By some miracle,  I also found about 7 shirts that I loved!  (I have a serious shopping handicap and rarely am able to find cute clothes without someone telling me they are cute)  How foolish I was to put off buying cute clothes.  Feeling good and looking good are great motivators to keep going.  I am more determined than ever to continue on this feeling better journey. :-)

PS  I am starting to enjoy working out....just a little.

PPS  Mike informed me that I have been spelling the word loss, LOOSE.  I will not go back and change them.  It is just another way to show I am growing and improving a little every day. lol

PPS  I originally posted this on the wrong blog, but oh well. :-)  It was supposed to make it's debut on 30 seconds to slim, not on this blog, but I guess it doesn't matter. 

FHE Feb 21 Top Secret Service

After getting home from a wonderful vacation in CA, (pictures and details might show up on the blog eventually, but we got tons of footage and are turning it into a documentary for the Spinners film festival so I won't feel too bad if I don't post about it here.)  We are settled back in and had a great family night tonight.  First we did a little "ropes coarse" type game.  Mike and I played this game as part of a unity building activity in an Improv troop we are in..(pictures and details may show up on this blog as well.)  I folded a blanket to be the size of a 2X4, (in the other game we used a real board) and then the whole family stood on it.  The object was to get the first and the last person to trade places with out falling off the blanket.  If anyone touched the carpet we had to start all over.  It required everyone to help each other by catching them if they were about fall, or holding their hand as they passed by.  It took us a while, but we finally accomplished our goal.  Then (surprise surprise) we had a lesson on family unity.  We talked about helping each other out in different situations.  For example if someone in your family is searching for a lost item, it would be nice if everyone helped out.  Or if someone was acting grumpy, you could do things to cheer them up.  We talked about how a family is a team and we all need to work together to make our home happy.  I started trying to make a sports analogy, but ended up laughing because we are so not sports people so it wasn't really sinking in.  We then each looked up a scripture on service and read about how we can find happiness in serving one another and also how serving our family is like serving Heavenly Father. 

After our lesson, we began our top secret activity we had been planning.  This morning I gathered the girls and told them we were going to have a Daddy Appreciation night.  Mike had worked so hard planning our vacation.  He printed maps, shopped for food, cooked the food, drove the WHOLE time, and of course, worked so hard so that we could pay for our trip.  We told him to go take a shower, (because he was all sweaty from playing basket ball) and we set up a spa for him.  We lit candles, turned on relaxing music, filled up the foot bath and got some lotion to rub his feet with.  Then the girls pampered him.  One was brushing his hair, one was rubbing his feet, and one was massaging his back.  I went down and made some cookies with Jack.  We also made him a card that we all told him how much we loved and appreciate him.  The girls loved it, and I am pretty sure Mike did too! 

Two year old BOY

Oh boy.  Oh boy. Oh boy...am I having fun raising this little boy of mine.  One of my favorite things to do is note the personality difference between him and my girls.  For example.....

When my girls were two, I tenderly taught them to fold washcloths.  They would spend hours...(well, maybe more like minutes and minutes), carefully matching the corners together, then matching the corners together again, then softly adding them to their perfect little washcloth pile.  Often, once the pile was completed, they would unfold them all and start over.  Occasionally the washcloths would turn into a sleeping bag for their dolly.  Either way, it usually bought me the time I needed to complete the load of laundry I was folding.  Yesterday I tried to teach Jack to fold a washcloth.  After sloppily matching the corners together he picked it up, wadded it into a ball, and chucked it across the room.  Then he was off to his next adventure. 

Last night as I was tucking Jack in, I tried to start a game of "Favorite things."  I got him to answer that "Red" was his favorite color, and that "noodles" was his favorite food.  After that, I guess he got bored because suddenly he cut me off and said, "Mom, let's talk about poop."  

I am so glad I have both boys and girls.  Both genders provide me with much entertainment. :-)

FHE Feb 7, 2011

Wow...Maybe this blog is going to turn into a FHE blog. :-) 


Tonight we were invited to the home of a wonderful family in our ward for Family Night.  They were so sweet and planned a lesson geared towards our young children, even though their kids are teenagers.  We spoke about being kind, and following Christs example of kindness to those around us.  They hung up a big poster board and had everyone in the room write down something that shows kindness.  Then they showed some pictures and had the kids decided if the picture depicted kindness, or unkindness.  I had a picture of some teenage girl watching an older lady struggling to roll her wheelchair up a hill.  (that was an example of UN kindness) 
  Then we played a game called, "Don't eat Pete!"  I had never played it before, and the girls really enjoyed it.  Mostly because candy was involved.  There was a paper with 12 different faces in 12 different boxes on it.  We put a piece of candy on each of the faces and sent one person out of the room.  Then the rest of us decided which face would be "Pete".  Then the person who was sent out comes back in and starts choosing candy.  When they get to "Pete" we all scream,(and I mean SCREAM) "Don't eat Pete!!"  It got a little ridiculous how loudly we screamed, but it made it really fun.  Poor Annie chose Pete the very first try, on both of her turns.  It was funny.

I forgot how enjoyable FHE can be when you invite another family to join.  Their example has inspired Mike and I to try inviting other families to join us once in a while.:-)

FHE Jan 31

I have decided to record our Family Home Evenings on this blog.  Partly to share with others any good ideas about FHE, and mostly so I can look back when my kids are rotten teenagers and say, "Hey, at least I tried" :-)

Monday turned out to be a busy one for us.  Casie had a meeting for the new play she is in...(Joseph and the Amazing TCDC...she is Dan's wife...go Casie!)  So we had a late start for FHE.  I was determined to do it though.  I dropped Casie off at home (to start on her home work) and took Ellie and Jack to the store to buy a FHE treat.  I made the mistake of telling Ellie she could choose whatever treat she wanted.  How could I have been so foolish?  Did I not remember who I was talking to?  Needless to say, Ellie was thrilled beyond measure.  She took this job very seriously.   I think she would have fasted and prayed about her decision if there had been time...(and if by fasting I mean she could still eat whatever she wanted)...but she finally wandered over to the bakery.  Once her eyes rested upon the $16 Oreo cake in the glass case, it was love at first sight.  If I hadn't told her she could choose WHATEVER she wanted, I might have guided her toward a cheap pack of cookies...but I didn't want to go back on my word.  Plus, I knew she would remember that experience for a long time.  Sixteen dollars is worth a memory of a time when your Mom was nice right?  So into our cart the Oreo cake went.  And home we went with a VERY excited Ellie. 

FHE consisted of us sitting around the table eating cake and reading a chapter from the BOM.  Afterwards, Mike and I took a few minutes to tell the kids good things we had noticed about them, as well as giving them each an individual challenge to better themselves.

Casie: We told her how proud we were of her for being so responsible.  She always does her homework and does it well.  She gets herself up and out the door in the morning.  We also mentioned that we love how she rarely complains about doing her jobs.  We love how we can ask her for favors and she jumps to them.   Lastly we challenged her to read the New Era every month.  I asked that she spend a little less time on the computer and a little more time doing her Personal Progress.

Annie:  I shared with her that I noticed a nice thing she had done a couple days prior.  We had picked up one of her friends for a play date.  Her friend had brought some pictures she had drawn to show Annie.  Annie gushed and gushed over the drawings her friend had done.  She gave her sincere compliments and told her what a good artist she was.  I told Annie that I could tell her friend was pleased that Annie liked them so much.  I told her that it probably meant a lot to her because she (Annie) was such a good artist.  Mike told Annie she was very caring and thoughtful.  We challenged her to say her personal prayers at night.

Ellie:  I told her that she is a leader.  She has the ability to make friends very quickly.  She is always organizing clubs and planning parties.  We told her that good leaders do good things with their skills.  We told her we were proud of her for inviting one of her friends to church with her because that's what leaders do.  We also complimented her on her happiness.  We are impressed with her happy attitude towards life and told her she was a fun person to be around.  We challenged her to listen to Mom and Dad the first time they ask her to do something, and to be obedient even when no one was looking.  I think our talk had an effect on Ellie. Yesterday she came home and said that one of her friends told her not to be friends with one of the other little girls in the class.  Ellie told her friend that she wanted to be friends with everyone, because she wanted to be a leader.  She also informed me that she and her friend decided that being a leader meant that you were the boss....we'll talk.

Jack: Jack was running around playing with a Balloon at the time of FHE, but we called to him across the room and told him that we loved his sincerity. Whenever he says "sorry" or "thanks" or "I love you", he always does it very sincerely.  That's not something you can teach a child.  We told him that we also loved his silliness and his snuggles.

Max:  I couldn't end FHE without mentioning Max.  I told the girls that I was so proud of Max for the choices he made before he came to our family.  I told them that he was so righteous that Heavenly Father needed him to come home and be a worker on the other side.  I told the girls I was grateful that we all had an example of choosing the right and doing what Heavenly Father wants you to do.  I am grateful for the example Max has been to our family. 

I guess I didn't give Max a challenge.  But I will challenge myself and my family to try and live in a way that will help us feel close to Max.  When I feel the Holy Ghost in our home, I feel close to Max.  When I do the things that bring me closer to my Savior, I feel close to Max.  When I try to be patient and loving with my children, I feel close to Max.  When I read my scriptures and pray, I feel close to Max.  That boy will make a better person of me yet....

Cute kids

Just a few little funnies to remember.

Ellie, shortly after coming home from school: "Mom, my life got really complicated today"

Ellie, looking at herself after I did her hair. "Wow...I clean up good"

Jack, after I asked why he threw his chips on the ground. "I was feeding the chickens"

Jack is also starting to use the word "Actually" a lot.  It cracks me up.

Taking the crib down

Since my thoughts are pretty much dominated by Max lately, I wanted to post another excerpt from his blog.

Yesterday, I took Max's crib down. I remember when I was putting it up. It was the same crib we used for Casie, Annie, Ellie, and Jack. I remember thinking that it had served us well through the years. It had held our most precious possessions. As I put it up again for Max, I pictured him asleep with his arms straight up by his ears. I love it when they sleep that way. I pictured picking him up after his nap while his little back arched in a stretch and his little lips pursed at the same time. Mike and I always laugh when they do that.



Yesterday, as the first screw came out, I broke into tears. Such a sad feeling overwhelmed me as I thought about what I had lost. Reality hit me for the millionth time that Max wasn't going to be part of my earthly life. As I hung up the pictures of us below Max's name I cried again. When Mike and I spent that fun afternoon painting his name, this is not what I had intended to use it for. As a memorial to my sweet baby.

Right after Max passed away, I knew I wanted to use his room as a special room for our family. A place we could gather and play, and talk, and read our scriptures, and feel peace. Once the crib was down, I did feel a strong feeling of peace. My sadness went away and I knew this would always be a sacred place where we can feel close to Max. Where we can draw closer to our Savior and where we will grow closer as a family.

Smallest Wingless

Dear son, we've been waiting for you


Thrilled beside ourselves that you've arrived

White coats came in, heads held low

Talked for a bit, shuffled outside

We closed the curtains,

Held each other,

And cried

We said hello at the same time that we said goodbye.

And smallest wingless, oh you came to us

Leaving as soon as you'd arrived

But sadness is just love wasted

With no heart to place it inside

We closed the curtains,

Held each other,

And cried

We said hello at the same time that we said goodbye.

We closed the curtains

Held on to one another

And cried

We said hello at the same time that we said goodbye.

~Craig Cardiff
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxcLm4ZA45E

Another Excerpt....

Here is another excerpt from my blog about Max I'd like recorded on this blog.

I couldn't really get Jack excited about having a baby in the house during my pregnancy. The only thing he ever really noticed is that there was less and less room on my lap for him. Every time we would read books he would say, "Baby is pushing me off" He never called him Max or even acted excited about his arrival. I didn't think too much about it because Jack is only two. One strange thing I did notice is that Jack started being very sensitive to music. Each time I would try to sing him a song about a baby he would break out crying. I'm not talking about a few tears, I'm talking about a quivering chin, turned down bottom lip and full out sobbing. It baffled me and Mike. We had no idea what the matter was. I figured Jack was just going to be a very sensitive little boy. I now wonder if Jack knew about Max's mission before any of the rest of us did.



After Max passed away Jack became even more sensitive to music. He cried anytime a primary song or any song that had a hint of melancholy was played.


Today while Jack and I were playing trains we had a special experience. Jack pointed to me and said, "You are baby Max." (he hadn't mentioned Max for weeks) He then preceded to play as if I were baby Max. He even talked to me in a sweet high pitched voice, just like you would to a baby. He said, "Come on baby Max...get on the train." "I will help you baby Max because you too little." "I'm gonna take you to the Temple baby Max." "I will open the door for you baby Max, cause you too little." I truly believe that in Jack's mind he was playing with his little brother. It made me cry. Partly because they will never play in this life. When we found out we were having a boy I was so excited. Jack is the youngest by about 5 years and the thought of giving him a little brother was such a perfect way to end our family. I had such dreams of seeing these two grow up together. I always joked that Jack and Max sounded like a duo that could get into lots of mischief together. I pictured them as best buddies. I pictured dressing them in matching overalls. I pictured them playing Basket ball with Mike. I pictured them out on their missions at the same time. Jack would have been such a sweet older brother. He showed me that today. But it also touched me to see that these two boys must have been friends in pre-existence. I believe that Jack's spirit remembers his brother. I wonder if Jack's two year old little mind is just having a hard time processing what his spirit is feeling. I think Jack feels especially close to Max when he hears music. I like to think that the two of them sang duets before they were born. I had warned Jack's nursery teachers about a possible break down during music time. They informed me that last week Jack sobbed during I am a child of God. They both had tears in their eyes as they spoke of the spirit they felt during the song. I now think that back when I was wondering why Jack would cry during music, did he know he would loose his brother? Did he feel the loss even before it happened? I feel like Jack is being blessed to feel Max's presence. Even after I was done pretending to be baby Max, Jack kept playing with him. He even pretended to pick him up and put him on the train. What a sweet thing for me to witness. In an old post I mourned that my two boys wouldn't ever play trains together. Today I think they got that chance.

As a funny side note, while I was pretending to be Max, I was singing a silly song about a train. Jack looked at me and said, "Knock it off baby Max". We both laughed. If that's not an older brother speaking to his younger brother, I don't know what is. :-)

Even the smart ones......

After a good 5 minutes of Annie explaining to me the requirements of her "Utah Mammal" report she had coming up, I asked her what animal she would like to do her report on.

After a good 3 seconds of thought...(thank goodness) she decided she would like to do it on Whales. 

After a good 6 seconds of us laughing at her, she decided maybe a mountain lion would be a better idea.

(she laughed at herself too...:-)

A very good friend of mine lost her sweet baby the day after we lost Max. We set up a blog that we both contribute to. It's been a way to share our feelings with someone who knows exactly what we are going through. It's been very therapeutic for me, and I hope she has found comfort in it as well. I wanted to share an excerpt from one of my entries. Mostly because I want this blog to represent my true feelings at this time and the longing I have for my little baby.




"I was thinking about the day when I will see Max again. I sincerely hope that all the longing I have right now will return to me. That my arms and heart will ache just as intensely as they do now.  And then as I sit in sorrow and pain, a loved one will walk into the room and give me my baby. I will finally get to hold the one I long so much for. I will have my deep need met, and my sadness will change to pure joy. I will kiss the face I long to kiss, and let his tiny hand hold my finger, and I will pat his little back and rock him until he falls asleep. And I will never ever have to let him go again. "

Popular

Since getting her barbies for Christmas, I have heard the word "Popular" thrown around in Ellie's play vocabulary.

 "This is a popular girl."

 "....let's say that all the popular girls come to the party..." 

Tonight I asked Ellie what she thought that popular meant.  She said, "Being really pretty and bossing people around."

I had to explain that being popular was being very nice and kind to those around you. 

Later when Annie came home from her friends house, I asked her the same question.  Her response was, "Wearing really cute clothes and being the cutest girl in the school"

 Me: No Annie, being popular means that you are a very nice person and you treat others kindly.
Annie: Really?  Did you look that up on-line?