Is it healthy to do things that make you feel sad? Tonight I listened to the song that played on the video during Max's funeral. Hearing it brought a flood of sadness and painful memories straight to the surface. It's like that song is the slightest knock of a hammer that breaks my heart all over again. I feel just like I did three months ago,... wondering how I can live without my son. How can I go one more minute without kissing his soft cheek or rubbing his fuzzy little head. Was listening to that song really a good thing for me to do? Because in a way, I guess it's really just helping me mourn and helps me open the flood gates to my heart. Max is always on my mind, but I haven't sobbed for him in a long time. It feels good to cry for him...in a painful sort of way. I've said it before, but Max is worth every tear I cry for him. He is worth every thought I have of him. He's worth every effort it takes to cope with his loss.
I know I will feel better tomorrow. I feel better now as I write. Every so often I need to publicly share my feelings about Max. I feel like just in case he can't read my mind and know the countless times I think of him, I want him to know that I love him and miss him.
