Taking the crib down

Since my thoughts are pretty much dominated by Max lately, I wanted to post another excerpt from his blog.

Yesterday, I took Max's crib down. I remember when I was putting it up. It was the same crib we used for Casie, Annie, Ellie, and Jack. I remember thinking that it had served us well through the years. It had held our most precious possessions. As I put it up again for Max, I pictured him asleep with his arms straight up by his ears. I love it when they sleep that way. I pictured picking him up after his nap while his little back arched in a stretch and his little lips pursed at the same time. Mike and I always laugh when they do that.



Yesterday, as the first screw came out, I broke into tears. Such a sad feeling overwhelmed me as I thought about what I had lost. Reality hit me for the millionth time that Max wasn't going to be part of my earthly life. As I hung up the pictures of us below Max's name I cried again. When Mike and I spent that fun afternoon painting his name, this is not what I had intended to use it for. As a memorial to my sweet baby.

Right after Max passed away, I knew I wanted to use his room as a special room for our family. A place we could gather and play, and talk, and read our scriptures, and feel peace. Once the crib was down, I did feel a strong feeling of peace. My sadness went away and I knew this would always be a sacred place where we can feel close to Max. Where we can draw closer to our Savior and where we will grow closer as a family.