A very good friend of mine lost her sweet baby the day after we lost Max. We set up a blog that we both contribute to. It's been a way to share our feelings with someone who knows exactly what we are going through. It's been very therapeutic for me, and I hope she has found comfort in it as well. I wanted to share an excerpt from one of my entries. Mostly because I want this blog to represent my true feelings at this time and the longing I have for my little baby.
"I was thinking about the day when I will see Max again. I sincerely hope that all the longing I have right now will return to me. That my arms and heart will ache just as intensely as they do now. And then as I sit in sorrow and pain, a loved one will walk into the room and give me my baby. I will finally get to hold the one I long so much for. I will have my deep need met, and my sadness will change to pure joy. I will kiss the face I long to kiss, and let his tiny hand hold my finger, and I will pat his little back and rock him until he falls asleep. And I will never ever have to let him go again. "
8 comments:
I just think that you are incredible. Thanks for sharing some of your thoughts with us.
Nicely written. I appreciate that you want the intensity of feelings. I think too many of us choose numbness. You are an inspiration. Love ya!
That's really beautiful, Jill. I remember a talk by Pres. Eyring shortly after losing our Matthew and how he said his sorrow of a loved one lost was "swallowed up in joy" at the thought of greeting them again at the resurrection. At the time, I couldn't imagine joy swallowing up my pain- but now it has.
You have something truly WONDERFUL to look forward to. I like to think of how it will all happen- will I get a phone call or a prompting that my baby is ready for me to meet again? It will be such a wonderful day!
Thank you for sharing! HUGS!
What a special blog that you are able to share with your friend. I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now. I think of you all the time and admire you so very much!
I've often wondered the intensity of the feelings a person would feel after losing a baby, and in turn feeling them, just a smidgen. (Although, my feelings of possibly losing a baby pale in comparison to what you're going through.)
Your thoughts about Max are so heart-wrenching at first, but then the thought of someone handing you your sweet baby is just that - pure joy.
I ache for you, Jill, and pray for you always. I'm so sorry for this loss, but am again reminded of the power of the Plan of Salvation, and the opportunity to be with our loved ones again.
(((HUGS)))
I can't wait for you to have that moment with your sweet Max. He is so lucky you are his mom and will be for eternity.
Beautiful thoughts. Sad, yet hopeful. And perfectly written. I hope I can be there and see your face when it happens. I saw your face when you lost him and we hear that our deepest sorrows will be turned to our most blissful joy so it looks like you are due to have a lot of joy.
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